


Heavy in Your Arms

by Nightyelfy



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Confessions, Conversations, Developing Relationship, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Established Relationship, Eye Contact, Feelings, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Internal Conflict, Intimacy, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Music, Mutual Pining, OTP Feels, Pining, Romance, Sexual Content, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:40:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28390296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightyelfy/pseuds/Nightyelfy
Summary: There’s no denying that since I came back from the Arasaka Tower, things have been different...Or rather...I have been different.This makes me wonder more than ever how come Kerry is still accepting my company. And it's not that I don’t appreciate his care, but I just wish I was better at expressing it.
Relationships: Kerry Eurodyne/Male V, Kerry Eurodyne/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 153





	Heavy in Your Arms

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Ноша в твоих руках](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29543202) by [vera_nic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vera_nic/pseuds/vera_nic), [WTF Cyberpunk 2021 (fandom_Cyberpunk_2019)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandom_Cyberpunk_2019/pseuds/WTF%20Cyberpunk%202021)



> KEEP IN MIND~ heavy spoilers.
> 
> Please note this piece takes place after the events that unfolded at Arasaka Tower and before the epilogue.
> 
> Additional tidbits: this story contains elements that I have gathered from my playthrough, from missions and sidequests to dialogue options.
> 
> Bonus feature!!! [Kerry's Yacht Song ~inspired by V](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OBeYDk6T2c&ab_channel=TDG)

I should’ve expected something like this.  


Deep down, I had a hunch it would get messy, just like pretty much everything else I touch.  


But as always, I’ve been avoiding the obvious as though that would spare me from the reality around me.  


Kerry has never been one to keep things nice and tidy, but I can’t help but think my absence had something to do with the disorder this time around. The house is a complete wreck, even more than regularly. Though, there’s no denying that since I came back from the Arasaka Tower, things have been different. _I_ have been different. 

No shut-eye without sleeping pills, being close to fainting is how I remember to eat, dizzyness is most likely dehydration and... the fucking blood. When I’m not coughing out chunks of my lungs, I have nosebleeds, and this one time, I had blood pouring out of my ear. I’m such a mess; even my blood is sick of me, trying to get away anyway it can.  


This makes me wonder more than ever how come Kerry suggested I stay with him. After Arasaka, he offered to look after me, even saying that he misses me whenever I’m not around. Don’t get me wrong; there’s not a single day when I don’t thank that single lucky star of mine for making it possible for us to meet. Because somehow, Kerry accepted me, and despite everything, is still accepting my company. Me... A street rat from the slums of Night City. I might not get it, but... I know for a fact that my life turned not just when Johnny Silverhand became part of it but also after he left it. I suppose it’s obvious by now the effect he had on people. And Kerry wasn’t spared from it either. 

I clearly recall how the light in Kerry’s eyes changed when he dared to consider that there might be a life outside of Johnny’s encompassing shadow. And no, it wasn’t those new fancy implants that all the local celebs are flaunting. Something changed in him that day; I know it had because I was right beside him when it happened. That must be why I can’t help but see myself as a massive burden to him. After everything he’s been through, he deserves some peace, a quiet life, free of all the shit and toxicity that Night City throws your way. But then again, maybe we all do.  


“Now, now, no need to get greedy.”  


Ah, some noise is coming from outside. A car stopped right in front of the house, and what were the odds that Kerry was the first one to step out of it. However, he isn’t alone. I don’t even need my optic implants to spot at least two other people in the fancy limo with him.  


“But Kerry-bear, you promised you would take us to the Dicky Twister, whatever that is. What’s with this sudden change of plans?”  


That girl seems familiar somehow, and it’s not just her voice. Shit, I think I know her.  


“I... erm... forgot something. Remember those pills I told you about?”  


“Oh, the ones that make you feel like you’re experiencing everything from the Big Bang and until today in under ten seconds?”  


“Yeah, those. 50% chance you’ll have a fantastic time, 50% you’ll die of a heart attack. Real good trip, exciting, just like a Russian Roulette in pill form. Lemme just pick ’em up, and I’ll be there in a few.”  


“Do you promise, Kerry-bear?”  


She pulls him towards her by his shirt as she asks that. For a long moment, she stays so close to him, running a scan on him would be pointless. Seriously, this girl’s a bit too fucking clingy for my liking.  


“You know it, darling.”  


Kerry says with a wink and then whips around on his heels. He’s heading towards the house, and for some reason, the expression on his face is hard to decipher. 

That’s quite unusual, considering partying and mingling with the rich and famous is something he often does.  


“Where the fuck did I put those...”  


I hear him mumbling as soon as he enters the house. I swear he is so careless. Not only did he leave his house unlocked and with the front doors wide open, but I’m almost inclined to believe he didn’t even notice me here in the corner of this massive living room.  


“I can’t find anything in this damn house. I swear I should just burn it down to the—”  


“Sup,” I finally utter and see Kerry turn to me wide-eyed, utterly taken aback.  


As a pressing tension settles between us like a curtain of fog and frustration, he breathes, “V.”  


“What’s with that expression? If I didn’t know any better, I’d guess you aren’t happy to see me.”  


“No, that’s not...”  


Flustered, Kerry darts his eyes away from me and chooses to stay quiet. Unlike him to be this hesitant regardless of the atmosphere.  


I narrow my eyes, nudged by a strange impulse to tease him. “Cat got your tongue... Kerry-bear?”  


Kerry groans, his gaze still aimed at the commode before him. “So you heard all that then.”  


“It was kinda impossible not to. I mean, it’s not like you were discreet. Almost like... you wanted to show off,” I offer nonchalantly and see how the corner of Kerry’s mouth nudges upward, a small smile forming there. “I didn’t know Lizzy Wizzy was somebody you hung out with.”  


“Yeah, well, that new album of hers is selling like hot carnitas, and the media is on her trail like netrunners. So it’s good publicity for me if nothing else.”  


His tone is still dubious and overall misleading. Usually, his fiery personality would give an indication of his mood, yet this isn’t one of those instances. Must have something to do with the fact that Kerry doesn’t seem too happy, but it’s not like he’s angry either. Not yet, at least.  


“And you thought you’d give them something to talk about? By doing what, becoming her close companion?”  


“Well, after her lover bailed on her, you can’t blame the girl for trying to find some consolation,” he turns to me, eyes eagerly searching my expression as though for something in particular. “Somehow, you don’t seem in the least startled by that bit of news, V. Would it be a safe guess to say you had something to do with that?”  


“Even if I did, it was a job like any other. Meaning I can’t talk about it.”  


“Right. Why am I still surprised to hear that?” he mumbles that last part mostly for himself.  


Kerry pours himself a drink, probably something special judging from the fancy glass bottles he has put out on the silver tray beside him. Without a second’s delay, he chugs down the whole thing and then leans forward on the counter. I sit with my hands crossed against the sofa, a few feet away from him. I don’t know what’s going through his mind, but it’s like I can almost feel it. Kerry’s about to get angry.  


“Are you going to go out again then? To the Dicky Twister, was it?”  


“I’m inclined to go yes,” he offers curtly.  


I hum around my intrigue. “Then, you should.”  


“Aren’t you even going to try and stop me?” Kerry asks, and I notice his fingers clenching around the edge of the commode.  


“Well, if you want to go, why should I?”  


“Cut the crap already, V!”  


And snap.  


“You are fucking unbelievable. You disappear for days on end, doing who knows what, who knows where, no text, no calls, while I’m supposed to do what? Just stay put? Pretend that everything is fine and dandy and that you’ll just show up one day? At some point? Whenever the fuck you remember to? Like this is the No-Tell Motel?”  


I exhale, coming to terms with what I’ve done. It’s not like I don’t understand his frustration, but at the same time, I was more or less asking for it. Otherwise, it would’ve been eating away at him for a long while. “Kerry, about that...”  


Half a moment later would have Kerry turn to me, fire in his eyes as his finger is aimed towards me, almost as though he wouldn’t have minded wielding a gun. As terrifying of an experience seeing an enraged person with a gun pointed towards you is because it’s Kerry that makes this somehow incredibly nostalgic.  


“Don’t you start throwing meaningless excuses my way!” He barks, and I raise my hands in surrender before him. “If you so much as think to try your silver tongue trick on me, know right away that it ain’t gonna work,” Kerry follows, flailing around like a droid on the fritz.  


“No tricks,” I say and push myself forward, wanting to approach him. “I just want to talk to you.”  


“Hah, well, that would be a first,” he levels me with a glare but retreats slightly before saying anything else.  


I tilt my head to the side, looking to grasp his expression, but he’s deliberately keeping it away from me. 

“Oh, I get it,” I dare and make an attempt to reach out to him, but he slaps my hand away before I can touch him. “You’ve been lonely.”  


“Lonely? Kerry Eurodyne lonely? It’s clear you’ve been gone from home for so long you don’t even know what you’re talking about anymore.”  


Exhaling, I shake my head and find myself inclined to give in before his resentment. “Why do you want to argue so much?”  


“Is that what you think I’m doing?” Kerry whips around and goes for one more whiskey, which disappears from his glass just as quickly as it gets poured.  


“That whole stunt from before... with Lizzy Wizzy... I know you saw me at the window, Kerry,” I allow, my gaze fixated on his back. “You might be a bit high and kinda drunk, but nothing escapes those hawk eyes of yours. I figured wanting to make me jealous had been your plan from the start. Besides, taking a bunch of girls to the Dicky Twister, come on, it’s a gay bar. Though you did so well to charm her, she would’ve said yes to the fucking Moon if you would’ve offered to take her there.”  


“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Kerry turns around and throws the glass on the floor with such incredible force it smashes into dozens of shards before our feet. “You’re so sure you have it all figured out, aren’t you, V? How things work and how people think. How easily you can manipulate those around you... making them believe everything you have to say as though it were the truth. The only truth they needed. I thought you said Johnny Silverhand was no more, but perhaps you clung onto the part of him that you liked the most!”  


Kerry’s red with anger before me. However, it might be the drugs talking too. My scanner is making out some strange substance coursing in his veins. I need to get in contact with that Lizzy Wizzy and tell her to get off that shit; it’s accelerating their implants to the point of delusion. Damn, these artists, I swear they’d be interested in trying anything as long as they get a hell of a kick out of it. Pushing my annoyance to the side, I try to focus on Kerry. I want to listen to him, to understand the source of his troubles, but something is definitely wrong. Despite my attempts at finding the best angle from which I can approach this dispute between us, my vision is getting blurred. My head turns so heavy it’s like the entire first floor of this mansion crumbled and landed on me. Shit, I think I’m going to faint.  


“V? What’s wrong with... V!”  


Kerry’s distraught expression is the last thing I make out before I collapse to the floor. I would’ve landed face-first into the puddle of shards Kerry churned out at my feet if I didn’t catch myself at the last moment. Fuck, I didn’t know I was this weak. What did I possibly forget this time? Food or water? Ah, of course not, it’s that other thing that I haven’t talked about yet.  


“I’m fine. I’m fine. It’s just... I lost my sense of balance for a moment.”  


“Seriously,” Kerry mutters and makes his way towards me. “Here, can you stand up?” He offers, and just as he grabs my arm to help me, his breath hitches. “Oh, shit, V, your hand.”  


I bring my hand upward and see the bundle of pieces of glass protruding from my palm. For whatever reason, just like with my balance, the ability to sense pain seems to be malfunctioning as well. Perhaps, it’s merely temporary, but I won’t know for certain until I run a full diagnostics test.  


“Hold on, sit here,” Kerry ushers me on the couch behind us, whiffs of concern rolling out through his voice. “I’ll go get something to clean this.”  


“Kerry, come on, this is no big deal, really...”  


“Just sit, V,” he insists and, after throwing me another look, turns towards the other room and disappears in the hallway.  


Exhaling, I push myself forward on the couch, and squeezing on my wrist, I try to slow the bleeding. It’s not even a deep wound, but it’s still so messy, especially once the blood pooled in the middle of my palm. Strange that it’s moments like these when I think most about how once upon a time, my days used to be so basic they were downright banal. Back when I thought I knew how everything worked. When pain normally followed any injury. When death wasn’t knocking behind every single fucking door before me.  


“Heads up,” Kerry calls out to catch my attention before taking a seat down on the sofa beside me. Lulled by the poise of his voice, I lift my eyes to him and see how his expression has unexpectedly softened.  


“It’s fine; I can do it myself,” I say once Kerry brings the alcohol-soaked towel close to the wound.  


“Can you just... not be so difficult?” Kerry insists and steadies his fingers underneath my hand. “Let me help you.”  


“Alright,” I convey and watch as Kerry does his best to focus and keep his unsteady self under control so that he can take out the fragments of glass lodged in my palm. His change of heart might’ve happened within moments, but I think he might be feeling slightly guilty. Though, my deteriorating condition is not of his doing.  


“Tell me if it hurts.”  


While it wasn’t my intention to make light of his concern, I couldn’t help but huff out a laugh at that.  


“What’s so funny?”  


“I wish I could, Ker.”  


He raises an inquisitive brow towards me. “Meaning?”  


“I don’t... there’s no pain.”  


“Like... at all?” He presses, and I shake my head. “Shit, that’s... what’s that all about?”  


“Beats me. Some side effect most likely...” I offer, mumbling through half of my words.  


“Does... erm... your ripperdoc know about this?”  


I exhale heavily as I relax my entire body, my arm’s welfare entirely dependent on Kerry’s nimble fingers. “Haven’t seen Viktor since... before Arasaka.”  


“So... maybe it’s about time you should?”  


I hold my breath for a long moment. I don’t know what that was, but I hesitated. Visiting any ripperdoc has rewarded me with nothing but notions of doom and gloom. Every single time. In a way, I don’t think I can go there anymore. I’ve just had it up to here with bad news.  


“V,” Kerry says, and his call snaps out of my mind once more. “Can you think out loud for a change?”  


I furrow my brows at his suggestion. “That’s a strange request even for you.”  


“At least when we’re together. That way, I can actually hear what’s going on inside your head.”  


“You don’t know what you’re asking for, Ker. My mind is not a good place to be in. Not for me. Or anybody else.”  


“Is that why you’re fixing to run away?” Kerry insists, nonchalant in his expression, even though I’m almost caught gasping. “No need to act so surprised... I’ve been cheated on and screwed over so much in my life it would be idiotic of me not to have at least developed a bit of sense of how greed and cowardice work.”  


Right before removing a big chunk of glass and carefully setting it aside, Kerry glances at me. He probably expected me to flinch or at least hiss between my teeth at the pain, but I wasn’t lying earlier.  


“I don’t really know what you’re up to entirely... but some curious rumors have been going around. A particular youngblood looking to get the Afterlife up and running. That wouldn’t happen to be you, would it?”  


Gulping down on the rest of my shock, I finally open my mouth to speak. “You’d be surprised to know how many palms need greasing to get anywhere close to doing any of that.”  


“I just don’t get it,” Kerry licks his lips lightly, his eyes attentively assessing the damage in my hand. “Why, V?”  


“I feel this duty, this... responsibility towards Rogue. She gave her life for our mission to succeed, and that place... that was her dream. The least I can do is look after it, make sure that it doesn’t end up as an Arasaka warehouse or worse... a morgue once more.”  


“No, I get that but... why are you trying so hard to run away?” He asks me, and I swear his voice cracked up a bit. “Who are you trying to run away from?”  


“I’m... that’s not it, Ker,” I force myself to say, his mention of greed and cowardice from earlier circling my mind like a song on repeat.  


“You say that, but not even you believe in your own words,” Kerry follows, steady as he cleans the wound in my palms. “So don’t expect me to either.”  


I must’ve been mistaken earlier. While physical pain is not something I can make out at the moment, a certain vulnerability has awakened in its place within me. I was sure I had it under control, but Kerry’s be so good at stirring me up in all sorts of ways, keeping it from him might prove impossible after all.  


“Is it me, V?”  


Gasping, I lift my eyes to him. “No,” I shake my head twice. “No, of course not.”  


“It might’ve been a while since I got involved with somebody, but I know how this goes all too well. First, it’s less and less interaction. Talking. Distance, random disappearances. Long periods away from home. Then one day...” he furrowed his brows but pressed on past his grief, “I won’t ever see you again.”  


“Kerry,” I breathe his name and wrap my fingers around his hand instinctively, completely disregarding the wound in my palm. “That’s not it. Fuck, don’t even think like that,” I grunt, and despite my best effort to keep worry out of my voice, I think Kerry sensed it because his eyes shone with intrigue.  


“Then how am I supposed to think? Everything I gather from you is taking me in one direction. Then on the rare occasion when you do talk to me, you speak the exact opposite,” Kerry says, gritting his teeth, so many mixed feelings still alive in him even if the drugs in his system have more or less worn off by this point.  


“That’s because I don’t know what to say!” I let out all of a sudden. Even Kerry pushes himself backward, visibly shocked by my outburst.  


“Huh... sliver-tongued V doesn’t know what to say?” he asked through his surprise.  


“Can you drop that already? I don’t have a silver tongue,” I groan around my frustration.  


“Whenever it’s business, though, even you can’t deny you have a particular way with words.”  


“When it’s business, Ker. But you... This between us... it’s not business,” I allow and look at the desperate way I’m grasping at his hand. I’m holding so tightly onto him that blood is dripping down his arm. “Ah, fuck, I’m sorry.”  


“This is actually something you don’t need to apologize for,” Kerry dismisses and goes to clean the trail of blood with the other side of the towel he fastened over my hand. 

He is careful how he’s touching me; I can see how he moves his fingers, wrapping the fabric around my palm once more. It’s not that I don’t appreciate his care, but I just wish I was better at expressing it.  


“I guess...” I murmur, and Kerry looks up to meet my gaze for a moment before averting it again. “I’ve never had to explain myself... my actions to anybody else before.”  


“You said you had a partner at one point,” Kerry intervenes.  


“Yeah, a partner. You know, storm in, guns blazing. Somebody who had my back like that.”  


Kerry urges me to continue with a swift nod. “But?”  


“But then I lost him. It might’ve happened really fast, but that doesn’t mean I was spared from the grief. I made a promise to myself that I’ll never drag anybody else down that path. Though, obviously, that was right before Johnny happened, and now that he’s gone too... I can’t help but wonder what if... what if this is just what happens to people who get close to me?”  


We stay looking into each other’s eyes for a long moment. Kerry is gazing deeply into mine, and I think he ran a few scans, but I can’t tell for sure because I didn’t. I just let the moment play out until I see him turning his head to the side. Swiftly, he stands up and crosses the room, aiming to reach the counter once more. Once there, Kerry pours generously into two glasses only to then return to me with them in hand.  


“I want to say you’re losing your mind, but that would be more salt in the wound rather than a smarmy jab. So I won’t do that,” Kerry says softly and reaches out with his hand towards me. “Here, have something to drink.”  


“Thank you,” I nod and accept the glass he offered. Ah, so it was the expensive stuff after all. Kerry always does that whenever he’s lonely, regardless of what he says. The bottles provide him with good company when there’s nobody else around. I take two generous sips before summoning the strength to keep speaking. “Listen, about these past days... I regret that I’ve been distant.”  


“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it,” he snaps right back at me.  


“I do, Ker,” I allow and grasp at the glass with both my hands, the bandage tight around my left. “It wasn’t my intention to drag you into any of this... or to make you worry.”  


“First I’m lonely, then I’m worried. I wonder what you’ll come up with next.”  


I chuckle lowly at his inherent desire to be in denial. Kerry doesn’t believe in what he’s saying either, but that’s alright. I like him when he’s pretending to be high above his emotions, even if the truth is obvious in his tone.  


“The truth is, I wanted to call you so many times. I spend more time staring at your contact info than actually paying attention to what those shareholders were talking about, but for the life of me, I couldn’t think what to say past hello,” I confess and squeeze my eyes shut. “Shit, I’m so fucking lame, I can’t believe I’m telling you all this.”  


“V, I swear, don’t you dare stop talking now. I want... No, I need to hear this,” Kerry pleads and leans toward me, but I can’t face him just yet.  


“I pestered those shareholders until they gave in. It took a lot of time, favors, and eddies, and it was anything but easy, but eventually, they agreed to hand the Afterlife and all its assets over to me, and... as soon as that was done, I came back here. Back home to you, just a few minutes before you did as well,” I say, and after another long moment, I turn my head to the side to see Kerry’s expression, which was a mix of disappointment and relief. “Like we were on the same frequency or something.”  


“Oh, V and your...”  


I grunt. “Don’t say it.”  


“Silver tongue,” he utters with a smirk.  


“Kerry,” I sigh, and he laughs loudly beside me.  


“Reunion celebrations are in order then!” He chirps and jumps up from the couch once he emptied the glass down his throat. “That bottle isn’t going to drink itself.”  


“Oh? So you’re not going to join Lizzy Wizzy in her frivolous nightly ventures?” I quirk an eyebrow in his direction.  


Kerry shrugs. “Depends on you.”  


“I’m listening,” I follow cautiously, watching him as he makes his way back to me with the whole whiskey bottle in his hand.  


“You keep things from me, V. And before you say anything, I know that this between us is extremely new for... well, maybe in many ways for both of us. But still, after the whole Johnny thing, I was sure that... I don’t know,” he exhales, rolling his eyes. “Maybe you’d find it easier to confide in me.”  


I open my mouth to say something, anything, but my mind becomes hard to navigate. It’s not like I intend to lie to Kerry, but finding the truth is difficult. There are still so many parts of my mind that are muddled and blurry; it’s nearly impossible at times to recall what those blank spaces used to hold, or even more so if they belonged to me in the first place.  


“I’ll...”  


Kerry blinks through his query. “What’s that?”  


“If you’d still have me, Ker... I’ll try.”  


With a wary intent glowing in the depths of his eyes, Kerry squints at me as though trying to test or scan me. Or both. “Go on.”  


“You were right... when you said that I’ve never done this before.”  


He goes to clear his throat. “Virgin, cough, virgin.”  


“Hey, I’m trying to be serious here.”  


“Right, my bad, I just couldn’t help myself,” Kerry laughs, only to stop abruptly when I grab his hand and hold it tightly into mine.  


“For me, relationships, serious ones, were nothing but a distant concept. You know, like who has time for that when there are eddies to be made. Between juggling jobs, gigs, and fixers... I didn’t feel like I’d ever involved myself in any of that. So yeah, imagine my surprise when I saw you and...” I bite my lip, but feel Kerry nudging me from the side to speak up, “my heart just... went _boom_ inside of me.”  


“Did you run a scan? Maybe Johnny was pulling some sort of trick on you? Messing with your implants?”  


“Nothing like that. I remember the day we met like it was yesterday,” I follow and allow one of the few clear memories I still have to replay in my mind. “We broke into your house, Johnny’s idea obviously. But to do that, I had to... take a backseat to his demands. He took one of your guitars from your wall stand, and as soon as he started playing... “Never Fade Away” was it?... you appeared. I was taken aback by how quickly you recognized him, like he had been him in his body the whole time and not in mine. It must’ve taken you days to get used to the idea that there was a different person inside there beside Johnny... but once you started seeing me for who I was... damn, I couldn’t have been happier.”  


“V... you never mentioned this before,” Kerry frowned, most likely remembering the time he called me to ask for my help with the Us Cracks.  


“Perhaps, just like with many other things, I should have because it’s important for me that you understand. There’s no shaking the fact that I’m quite bad at talking and doing all this...” I offer and rub my thumb over his knuckles. “But know that while I left many things in the past when it comes to you... you’re someone I don’t intend on abandoning.”  


Kerry looks at me unblinkingly for a long moment. I have no idea what’s going on in his mind, but I can’t help but feel unnerved whenever he gets this quiet. Like he’s weighing something. My words or demeanor, something intangible about me that I feel like I’ve lost contact with a long time ago.  


“What happened that day at Arasaka Tower?”  


His question pierces me like one of those unshakable hacks the netrunners used to throw my way during one of my many missions. I thought I couldn’t feel pain before, but apparently, I was wrong. While my physical receptors are damaged, that part that resides inside is still very much responsive because my chest tightened to the point it made breathing difficult.  


“See... perhaps talking to you is impossible after all,” Kerry exhales lowly, and after releasing himself from my grasp, he gets up from the sofa.  


For a moment there, everything began moving in slow motion around me. I follow Kerry with my eyes, and I see how he intends to leave my side. Somehow, it’s different this time around. The whiskey is by my feet. He isn’t going for anything to drink... he just wants to leave. I don’t know where and I don’t why, but there’s an impulse brewing inside telling me, no, rather yelling at me not to let it happen. Because if he leaves now, then I’ll truly lose him.  


“Johnny... sacrificed himself so that I could live,” I say, but my words get drowned in my ear by my own heartbeat. The only certainty I have that I’ve uttered them is that I see Kerry stopping in his march. He turns halfway towards me, and I’m left pursuing the impulse to speak, although my mouth has all but dried up. “I... his sacrifice gave me my life back, but...” Fuck, why is it so hard to speak all of a sudden? If only this ache in my chest would disperse, then I’d be able to talk normally. “Alt could only do so much to undo the damage caused to my body by the Relic.”  


Kerry gazes at me for an excruciatingly long moment, unwilling to believe what he just heard. In his eyes, I can see how my words keep rolling and the difficulty he has to make sense of them. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he wants to believe I’m lying. But even he knows I’d never do that to him. Not when it’s something this important.  


“What are you saying exactly?” he asks and dares to take one step towards me.  


“There’s only so long I have left,” I say, and I swear my voice couldn’t have been shakier even if this was some cheap fucking soap opera. “I’m dying, Ker.”  


Kerry opens his mouth to speak, protest probably, throw a temper tantrum most likely, but he ends up doing neither. Clenching his fist, he allows the realization to wash over him like the aftermath of a good trip turned sour.  


“The Johnny Silverhand special, huh? Introduces you to something outstanding, exciting, and unique only so that he can take it away in the end. Just like what he did with Samurai... Shit... I can’t believe this is happening again.”  


“I could say it’s not his fault, you know,” I offer, and he dismisses it with a low, pained chuckle.  


“But that would be a lie.”  


“More or less,” I huff and Kerry folds his arms on top of each other on his chest. “Though, that doesn’t change the fact that the situation right now is... just a bit fucked up.”  


“Just a bit...” Kerry rubs his forehead lightly before turning to me. “So what are you going to do about it?”  


“What?” I ask as though being forced to make an effort I haven’t considered before.  


“Well... it’s not like giving up is your thing. Besides, once you get your hands on the Afterlife, you’re more or less set as a Night City big shot,” he rolls his eyes, my negligence having truly gotten to him. “Come now, V, you must have some aces in your sleeve, at least a redeeming idea if nothing else.”  


As much as I appreciate the fire in his tone, the reality around me is still pretty bleak. “There might just not be enough time.”  


“Listen... I’m not one to believe in second chances, heck, anything you don’t claim yourself, but whatever time’s been given to you... it must be worth something.”  


I take a moment to look at Kerry. No, not look. But more like, observe him, take in everything he’s willing to give me. His beautiful facial features, the arch of his lips, and fuck... those eyes. Where all the bullets aimed my way couldn’t do the job, it will be his eyes that end up doing me in eventually. Rather amusing how that’s something I’m totally fine with. Because it’s him and Kerry...  


“I could give it a shot, yeah.”  


Kerry is important to me.  


“You’re right. The Afterlife will give me the leverage I need to get in contact with the right people.”  


For what it’s worth, I will keep fighting.  


“While I may not have the intel, I know how to make the necessary connections. After I have a preem spot from where I can operate, things should start falling in place.”  


If nothing else, if not for myself, I will do it for him.  


“If only time will allow it... I’m sure something will come of it. It must,” I mutter under my breath and feel how a particular straining weight lifts from my shoulders.  


Kerry approaches me and teasingly offers me one of his illustrious smirks. He is so flawlessly handsome I could die right now in front of him, and it would’ve been worth it, but I will hold myself steady. I want to enjoy the sight of him a bit more.  


“That’s the V I like,” he says and puts his hand on the side of my face, caressing my cheek with his thumb. I close my eyes and take in his warmth, nuzzling in his palm as though it were my lifeline. It’s so easy for me to get lost in his touch, it’s no wonder Judy’s meticulously crafted smutty BDs hold little to no interest to me.  


“Is that so?” I hum around my question.  


“Yeah,” Kerry says and moves in towards me. Carefully under my watch, he takes the reigns of his whole affair and places himself on my lap, straddling my thighs. I can’t help but be mesmerized by how the distance between us is vanishing like it was never there.  


“And what else do you like about me?” I ask and fasten my hands around his waist, holding him steady against me. It didn’t take me long to become downright smitten by him because my greedy side is beginning to show. I want to feel Kerry close to me more than anything else right now.  


“What is this? Are you trying to get on my good side by flirting with me, Vincent?” he scoffs and drags both his arms upwards before sliding them around my neck.  


“Perhaps,” I huff and run a tantalizing hand up and down his back. “Is it working?”  


“Nah,” Kerry allows and leans closer toward me. “Not at all,” he breathes against my lips, and I swear I could almost taste him.  


“So... what of Lizzy and her girl posse from before?” I press, noticing his tendency to tease me is still alive.  


“Oh, fuck them, seriously,” Kerry groans, and after leveling me with a glare, as though to tell me that he’s run out of patience, he lunges at my lips. He begins kissing me, slow and curious at first, mindfully mapping a territory he hasn’t had the pleasure of exploring in an excruciatingly long time. Where the kisses were tame at first, they become heated the longer they linger, and I’m drawn to mirror each of his gestures, his sapid lips nothing short of intoxicating. It doesn’t take long for the passion to ignite inside of him, and once it does, I feel Kerry eagerly making his way inside my mouth, hungrily tasting every bit of me as though looking to consume me whole. But damn, being breathless has never felt more exhilarating. “As if anybody could be as fascinating as you,” he follows, putting such a sudden end to our kiss that I’m left dizzy and desperate, craving for more.  


“I’m sorry, Ker. I was a real dick for not contacting you,” I finally say through my crazed panting and press our foreheads together. “If you wanna hate me, you can, but at least do it for the things I fuck up on purpose, not those that I do because I’m an idiot.”  


“And how am I supposed to tell the difference between those two?” Kerry smiles as he asks that, and I swear my heart just skipped a beat. Fuck, I think he noticed because he flinched in my lap. Running his scanner on me at a time like this... is quite peculiar. Could Kerry Eurodyne be worried about me?  


“Shit,” I laugh nervously, trying to break the tension. “You got me there.”  


“You are such a dumbass,” Kerry scoffs and retreats slightly so that he can kiss me on the forehead. “But I guess... I can live with that,” he concludes and goes to run his fingertips on the line of my jaw. “Just... V, whatever you end up doing... remember that you can count on me, alright?”  


“Yeah, I will. You have my word,” I say as my eyes fall on his lips, enamored by their shape, crazed by the fact that I still want to savor them.  


“That’s all I wanted to hear,” Kerry offers, and I think he was able to see right through me because as soon as he closes his eyes, he leans back towards me, lips passionately enveloping mine. 

Kerry gathers himself against me, pressing onto my chest greedily, and within seconds, I find myself drowning in his warmth and want, lost in the moment entirely, wishing it would never end. Having Kerry like this, tongue deep in my mouth and hands desperately grasping at the clothes on my back drives me mad with temptation. I run my fingers through his hair, encouraging him to pursue that desire that’s taking hold of him, hoping he’d see it’s the same one coursing through me. He is rough and reckless in his kisses, rushing as though to compensate for the lost time, seductive in how he’s working his body against mine, eager to conquer and possess, but I’m all for that.  


“Fuck, I missed you so much,” Kerry moans under my lustful mouth as I can’t stop kissing and licking his neck. “You’re lucky I like you; otherwise, I would’ve found comfort in the arms of another in no time. Ouch! Hey, you don’t have to bite me like that.”  


“I do,” I grunt and kiss the spot I’ve sunk my teeth into a moment ago. “As long as I’m still around, nobody else is allowed to touch you like this.”  


“Hah, this possessive side of you is such a turn on,” Kerry breathes out as I grasp his ass in an audacious manner. I don’t know why he’s saying things like that again, as if his attempt at making me jealous from before wasn’t enough. It’s like he’s doing it on purpose to taunt me, push me to see how far I can go to prove my affection for him. Which is a very dangerous thing even if I do say so myself. “Fuck, please don’t stop,” he groans, and I feel his dick twitching in his pants, prodding me in my side.  


“So what have you been up to in my absence?” I ask as I push him slightly away from me so that I can have a better grasp at his belt buckle, his aflame passion nothing short of contagious.  


“Oh, now you’re curious,” he tries to laugh, but the breath hitches in his throat once I loosen his pants.  


“I’ve been thinking about you constantly,” I breathe against his ear before dragging my tongue over its edge. Feeling Kerry’s heated body flinching in my lap is insanely exciting. I’m getting hard just from having him against me, never mind the heated kisses and insatiable moans.  


“I don’t believe you,” Kerry huffs as I make my way past the line of his underpants and feel up his erection. Fuck, and here I thought I was hard. His dick is throbbing, almost leaking, yearning for attention.  


“Don’t be like that, Ker,” I confront him and chalk my palm over the head of his dick, making him let out a groan from the very depth of his throat. “It’s not like it’s a secret that I like you. I like you so fucking much I wouldn’t still be here if it weren’t for you,” I confess, looking up at the way he’s hanging by my neck, overwhelmed by the unrushed way in which my hand is moving up and down the length of his rock hard dick.  


“You are so... unfair, V,” he barely says as he arches his back and tilts his head backward, utterly immersed in the pleasure I’m promising to offer him.  


Guided by his feverish moans, my gestures become more vigorous, and because I want to see the passion riddled in his expression, I touch my left hand to the back of his neck and bring him towards me. His half-lidded eyes are glazed over, cheeks aflame with warmth, mouth panting with sinful breathes of ecstasy. Shit, please, whatever I end up doing, I must remember this sight because this is as close to a dream come true as I’ll ever get.  


“Making me care for you only so that you can... disappear,” Kerry’s words become lost to him as the heat in his stomach grows and turns into desperate gasps and sultry whimpers. Engulfed in the fervor of tight grip I have on him, Kerry groans loudly and shuddering, he comes forcefully all over my hand and T-shirt. His arms then become loose against my neck, but I push myself forward so that I can fasten my hold on him once more. Trailing soft kisses onto the side of his face, I offer him the moment to recover from the exhausting relief. So not only was he pent up but seeing how quickly he melted in my arms, he also must've been heavy under way too many conflicting thoughts and infuriating perceptions.  


“I’m here right now,” I murmur before closing the last bit of distance between me and his incredible lips but don’t kiss him just yet. While I might be stalling, judging by the swiftness of my heartbeat, it’s clear that I’m nowhere near done with him. It must’ve been something he did previously, something to do with his cheeky attitude and denial and the way he roughened his words, but it got to me. I’m craving him so badly that I will stop at nothing until I have him. And thankfully, the mischievous shape his smile took is assuring me that he’s not done with me either. “Shouldn’t that be enough?”  


“That remains to be seen,” Kerry follows and nudges me slightly to the side, just enough to touch my lips with his, our kiss slow and tender and yet, exactly what I needed. “How far do you want to take it tonight?” he then asks and runs a thumb over my bottom lip.  


“As far as you want,” I huff with a smile and find that because I can’t restrain myself, I end up stealing a kiss from him. Fuck, I swear I’m getting addicted to this.  


“You better be careful what you wish for because the way I see it, it’s going to be a long night,” Kerry chuckles.  


“I can handle that. As long as it’s with you, I can handle anything,” I allow in the small space between us before our lips find their way to each other once more.  


Having Kerry moaning under me must be the most exciting thing I’ve ever experienced. The heat of his body, the shape of his lean back, the tantalizing slope of his nape, the glow of his eyes when he turns to me and begs me not to stop or to go harder or deeper inside him. It’s nothing short of breath-taking and turns me on like nothing else; I feel like my heart might explode at any moment and not because one of my implants is backfiring. 

He’s so hot, drowning in pleasure, close to bursting with every thrust of my hips. But making him come undone by my persistence has become something so fundamental to my being that thinking back at a time when he wasn’t by my side makes me recall how fucking ignorant I’ve been to so many things. 

It's during those passion drenched moments that I end up staring down at him, admiring him wholly and utterly, my heart nothing short of full. Yet, suddenly and unaware, my vulnerability catches up to me, and I find myself fearing I might be dreaming. But as though sensing that hesitation stirring me, Kerry turns and reaching up to me, he coaxes me into his arms.  


“Your mind’s dancing again, V,” Kerry’s breath flits softly against my ear, quick to send shivers down my spine.  


Drawn by his voice, I blink my way past the haze and instinctively wrap my arms around him too. Finding comfort at the place where his neck and shoulder meet, I breathe him in before I push myself upward until I reach the grace of his eyes. 

Once I assure myself that I’m truly still here, alive and kicking and not a figment of his imagination, a remnant of a distant memory or a fading dream, my heart settles. It’s terrifying to think I can slip away so easily, but knowing that I can count on Kerry to bring me back to reality whenever my senses fail me allows me to breathe relieved, if even for a night longer.

**Author's Note:**

> Just when I thought I've had enough crushes to last me a lifetime... Cyberpunk gets released and once again my heart is claimed by the most unlikely of pairings( _or is it???_ ). As you might've guessed, I played and finished the game as Male V and I couldn't help but feel that while it was lovely that they added a M/M relationship option, it was rather... underdeveloped compared to the others. So here I am, **CHIPPIN' IN** , helping out with their relationship development. 
> 
> Feel free to share with me your thoughts and comments, let me know how your playthrough went and last but not least, happy new year~ ❤(ˆ‿ˆԅ)


End file.
